monday

I will...

remember that demanding answers from God defeats the purpose of faith.
never lose my hunger for adventure.
never marry anyone but my best friend.
not allow myself to be too proud to say i'm sorry.
be the second man [see post below for explanation].
not forget to laugh when life gets tough.
care.
sing in the shower with no shame.

give my time, my money, my possessions, and my love generously.
find the line between reality and imagination.
cross that line.
be willing to let go of the life i have planned.
let people in.
not quit.  
keep secrets and promises.
live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, and drink the wild air.
complain less.
dance while i wait for God's promises to unravel.
be happy being me.
not expect life to be fair.
try to sleep enough, eat better, stay active, and smile always.
frequently carry out random acts of kindness.
embrace my nerdy side.
never forget the importance of hugs and hand-holding.
stumble after Christ until the day i'm called Home.

saturday

i've always been what people call "the follower". the first one who to say yes to just about anything - from a late-night grocery run to a fly-fishing adventure in montana. up until a few months ago, i never saw a problem with being that way. it opened doors for excitement, provided countless hours of entertainment, and gave new twists to life. then one day it all came to a screeching halt. my friend asked me to take a personality test with him and [of course] i said yes. after 100 questions, my diagnosis came back:

"Stability results were high which suggests you are very relaxed, calm, secure, and optimistic implying that you rarely worry and are not easily irritated..." ok, not too bad so far "...Orderliness results were low which suggests that you are overly flexible, improvised, and thrill-seeking implying that you enjoy the unknown and are often reckless. Extraversion results were very high which suggests you are overly outgoing, sociable, and interacting at the expense too often of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity."

insert brick wall here. 

these three sentences, processed by a computer based on a handful of stupid questions, proceeded to rock my world for the weeks to follow. as your typical female, i have a bad habit of over-analyzing things. do i not have my own individual interests? oh my gosh, maybe i don't! am i too much of a people pleaser? do i do things because i want to or because i know that people just expect me to say yes to everything? do i have an internally based identity? maybe? but maybe i don't! don't i need to be a leader in order to touch people's lives? there are no "great followers" only great leaders! i need to change! i need to establish who i am. but WHO AM I? as i wrestled with these questions, i sought out God and realized that my identity is in Him; that i was purposefully created just the way i am. after becoming content [once again] with my "yes man" attitude, one of my wonderful roommates [who was unaware of my brief identity crisis] informed me that my role was crucial, according to a short video she had seen entitled "How to Start a Movement". contrary to popular belief, it's not all about the leader. as it turns out, the first follower is equally as important because if no one is brave enough to take on that role, then the movement will fail. and so, i now know why i am the way i am. i was made to be the second man.

 

monday

dear future husband, 

i promise to challenge you. i promise to stand behind the decisions you make and stand beside you as you follow them through. i promise to fuel your adventurous soul. i promise to pray for you. i promise to respect you. i promise to believe in you. i promise to be your best friend first and your crazy wife second. i promise to get up in the middle of the night and take care of our screaming children at least 50% of the time. i promise that you will always be second in my life and that God will always be first. i promise to love you. i promise to forgive you. i promise that i will kiss you at the beginning of every day - even if you have morning breath. and i promise that, if we live to be old, we will be the only couple in their eighties to frequently jump on trampolines.

love,

me

sunday

A lonely, yellow balloon hovered on the backdrop of a clear blue, summer sky. My eyes panned down, following the string that kept the balloon from its freedom. At the end of the string was a large, wrinkled  hand that belonged to the keeper of the yellow balloon - an elderly man with snowy hair disheveled by the breeze. He walked slowly along the path, his back hunched over his cane. He stopped as he came to the empty park bench, struggling with the decision that confronted him. After a moment, he surrendered to his weakness and reluctantly sat.  He lifted his downcast face and caught my gaze. Behind thick glasses, the twinkle of the blue eyes of his youth had been glazed over with time and sorrow. The crow’s feet that shot out from the corners of his eyes told that this man had not always been a stranger to a smile.  

Curiosity drove me to claim the opposite side of the park bench. As I sat, I turned my head and stared with no feelings of embarrassment or shame. After a brief glance in my direction, eyebrows set with position of minor annoyance, he turned his eyes back to the ground. I continued in my blatant observation. He wore a simple, gray suit and a tie that matched the balloon that his left hand still clung to. 

The moment before I dared to open my mouth in conversation, a delighted squeal penetrated through the noise of the city park and I looked over to see a young girl. Arms outstretched and blonde curls swept across her face, she ran to the old man as fast as her short legs would take her. The corners of his mouth turned up as she climbed onto his knee and melted into his arms. Without hesitation, she began to babble on excitedly about her adventures, all the while pointing towards the playground in the far off distance. 

And as I sat, I realized that such is life. People who are old are able to see the pure beauty of youth and those who are young fail to realize how wonderful they are.

saturday

i was at starbucks today, just like almost every other day. i go there because they pay me to make coffee for random people who are willing to buy addicting, overpriced, calorie-packed beverages. anyways, today i had the pleasure of being [kindly] accused by a coworker of “finding happiness in the smallest things”. that allegation was obnoxiously thought-provoking. i realized that i do have a tendency to love the little things in life. don't get me wrong, i still bitch over the tiny problems and minor irritations of life.but i usually find it impossible to not appreciate small, yet ridiculously amazing things in daily life. [i just love how grammatically incorrect that sentence is.] 

a few of my favorite things…

… running in the summer at 6am when the rest of the world is still asleep. because at 6am in the summer, the sun has just begun to shine. because the air is crisp, but still promises to bring warmth. and because at 6am, the day is on the brink of a new adventure.
…driving long distances by myself with sunshine and good music. i always put on my aviators [generally, the ONLY time i wear sunglasses is when im driving], roll down the windows, blast the radio so that passing cars can’t hear me singing along, and then drive about 15mph over the speed limit to my destination.
…getting lost in the Bible. sometimes, i’ll sit down to read it and i find myself several hours later with pages of notes and a dry highlighter.
…watching old movies and/or musicals.
…that cozy, clean feeling that you get after taking a really hot and bubbly bath.
…being barefoot on surfaces such as: grass, sand, and hardwood floors.
…dry humor.
…photography and art. [but, generally, NOT renaissance art.] 

...being home alone. when im in my house by myself, i have this habit of dancing around in my undies while singing “do you believe in magic?” at the top of my lungs.
…making a stranger smile.
…organizing, rearranging, and decorating. as of right now, i really can only do these things to my bedroom. but i fantasize about having my own house and what it’s going to look like.

…a thick novel and a glass of red wine.
…observing people. it's fascinating to realize that every, single person that has ever walked on this earth has a different personality. a different story. i wish i could glimpse into the minds of people. to know them and where they've come from. it also makes me fall even more in awe of God's creativity.
…music of all sorts.
…the realization of how vast and unique this world is. to learn about and, if you're lucky, experience different cultures. to be able to broaden your horizons and learn to walk in another person's shoes.

so, when all is said and done, i'm flattered that people say that i find happiness in the smallest things. i wouldn't have it any other way. i'm easily entertained and easily amazed by God's awesomeness.